I have a very similar issue with a block node, which gets rerendered when a new empty paragraph is inserted somewhere above it. It contains an iframe which is why the rerender is very obvious (flickers). I’m not using a NodeView in this case.
Unfortunately I haven’t been able to reproduce this inside an isolated ProseMirror instance yet, but I will give an update as soon as I find out more about this.
I thought I was seeing the same with breakpoints in constructor and update of the nodeview demo, but now it seems to be working as expected. I’ll look at my code more.